Hello and welcome to a new day! I Hope everyone had a fabulous long weekend and returned to work or school refreshed and revitalized!
The beginning of a new school year used to be my New Year’s resolution day; a time to make changes and shake things up a bit. However, this year I’m not making promises to myself that I’m unlikely to keep. Today I’m asking myself a question and embracing and accepting its answers in my journey to self love and self acceptance. Some of what I’m about to say I hinted at in my initial story about myself but now I’m revealing more details.
With that being said I’ll let you know this is a bit of a longer blog post so sit back with a cup of tea or glass of wine and read. It’ll be worth the time.
I hope no one finds my question rude or offensive, that is not the intent. Please read the whole post and you’ll understand.
My question is this: Why are you fat (curvy, plump, plus, chubby,etc.)?
I ask the question because I’m coming to understand and believe that one must understand the reasons you are the way you are before you can love and accept who you are. Often our reasons are things that people who are judging us can’t see and that’s what makes body shaming so unacceptable.
Here is my list of reasons:
1) Puberty – I turned 13 and all of a sudden I had boobs, a stomach and big butt.
2) Genetics – I am my mother’s daughter.
3) I did not perform well in elementary school gym class and as a result of being teased and shamed in this class I developed a life long aversion to and dislike of most anything physical. Sweating is not my thing.
4) These early experiences with body shaming resulted in low self esteem, depression, lack of confidence and emotional eating (more about that one coming up).
5) I loved my mother but she did not like to cook so while she did the best she could, meals were often repetitive and lacked imagination. I was a picky eater so I’m sure that didn’t help. Eating was not a wonderful sensual experience so food became my emotional outlet rather then what it should have been – fuel for my body.
6) Emotional eating; my reward for a bad day, a good day, a way to cope when I’m sad or angry or even when I’m happy. Eating ice cream is good 24/7.
7) While my mother didn’t like to cook she also wouldn’t let anyone else cook so I never learned to cook and feed myself. When I moved out my meals were chicken fingers and french fries or popcorn.
8) When I did lose weight at various times throughout my life it wasn’t for the right reasons; I wanted to look good in someone’s wedding pictures or fit into a nice grad dress or to get a date.
9) Then 18 years ago came my biggest obstacle, MS. With my disease there also comes chronic fatigue. Many days I’m tired before I even get out of bed, and the thought of everything that has to be done that day is so overwhelming I just want to stay in bed. The very idea of exercise and cooking healthy meals becomes lost in my world of just wanting more sleep.
10) Thus the spiral of depression and emotional eating starts all over again.
Now that I acknowledge, understand and accept all these reasons… I can accept, understand and learn to love myself.
Many of you have experienced, or continue to experience these same reasons, and of course a list all your very own. The roads that have led you to where you are today; a plus size woman.
Remember these are reasons, not excuses for who you are and how you got here.
I’ll continue more on this subject in tomorrow’s post. I will leave you with this thought: I will not allow others who don’t know or understand my road to judge me or shame me. I will stand tall. I am Pretty, Plus and Proud!
Please continue to share your stories and comments. I love getting to know you!